Nagging or Necessary? Getting Your Spouse to Plan the Farm’s Future

Problem

Is it possible to change the mind of a husband who refuses to make an estate plan?

Solution

Well, G.T., nagging has a negative sound to it, kind of like dripping water. Maybe we can just call it “persistent requesting.” 

It would be great if there were a simple answer of how to motivate your husband to move forward with planning. One thing he should keep in mind is planning not only would help future generations and the farm but it also would help you. If he should pass away before you, you’d be left to handle this, and in my experience, widows don’t enjoy doing estate planning by themselves.

Here are a few questions and thoughts that may be motivating:

1. After years of risk and sweat to acquire assets, doesn’t he want to have firsthand involvement in the distribution plans? 
2. Wives are often the peacemakers among the children. If your husband should die before you, you’d become the referee. That could damage your relationship with your children.
3. Appeal to your husband’s knowledge of the numbers, including the cash flow needed for farming, even if you know this information. Chances are, he’ll have a strong opinion.
4. Without a plan, your estate may add an unwanted beneficiary: the government. There are potential estate tax concerns, depending on the size of your estate and your location.
5. There are many examples of an unexpected death bringing disastrous consequences to a family without a plan in place. Do you want to be “that family” people talk about?
6. Identify a big operator in your area. Ask your husband if that operator would be interested in your land if your farm were to fail without a plan.
7. Can your husband really look at the next two generations and say they are not worth planning for?
8. How would he feel if he were in your son’s or grandson’s shoes? Frustrated? Nervous? Confused?
9. Who would be more competitive: a farm heir who inherits a clean balance sheet, or one who spends the rest of their life buying out siblings?
10. The last resort may be to tell your husband you don’t plan to remarry if he dies but if you did, would that concern him? I joke with people that if I died, I think my wife would remarry. I don’t know who that guy is, but already I don’t like him. I don’t want there to be any threat of that person getting any of our family assets or having a say where those assets go.

With proper guidance, the process for getting a plan in place can be rewarding and comforting. There are all kinds of reasons your husband should want to be part of it, because it truly is an unwanted task for the surviving wife to make these decisions solo.

G.T., if none of the suggestions I provided help, then I guess you’ll just have to keep nagging.