Perspective: Finding beauty in the hardships of farm life

I am currently six months in to a parenthood journey that my husband and I didn’t think we were going to be able to walk due to years and years of infertility — it has us so thankful, humbled, rocked to the core, sleep deprived and learning so many things. I relate so many of them to life in general, not just to parenting.

Life is hard. We’ve had a couple of kids in our community that chose ending their lives was better than living. I never want somebody to feel like that. We all have dark days, but life is beautiful, even when we have to work really hard. I heard someone say recently that rock bottom is a really solid foundation to start back up.

One never truly knows what someone else is going through. Most of us are masters at hiding what’s going on — sometimes even to those closest to us.

First, as a new parent, I’ve asked lots of questions and asked advice and been given advice that I didn’t ask for. I appreciate the help and thought. Just know that we’re all doing our best in most things we do. What works for some, may not work for others. Or what works in one season of life, may not work in another. Just because someone asks your opinion then goes in the complete opposite direction doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t value you or respect you. It just means they chose a different path, right or wrong, and hopefully used what you offered to thoughtfully make that decision.

Be the cheerleader for them. Don’t be the “I told you so” if it doesn’t work. They’re, more than likely, going to remember your advice and know they probably made the bad decision. But we all have to make our mistakes.

Second, doubt is a strong enemy. Whether you’re taking care of tiny humans, livestock, crops, or just yourself, knowing the right answer can be hard. Then once you’ve made a decision, doubt can creep in, and you can wonder if it’s right or not.

My faith is pretty new to me. Whatever your belief system is, you have to find peace somewhere in your life. Because life isn’t going to stop throwing decisions at us. Do your due diligence. Pray about it, if that’s your belief. Do what you think is best. Don’t let pride stand in the way of changing the decision if time shows that it’s necessary.

Third, teamwork or a village is essential. We aren’t made to be alone. I don’t mean that you have to be married, but have your village. With so many people on this planet, one wouldn’t think it would be so hard to find that group. But loneliness is at an all time high, despite the ability to be more connected than ever.

I don’t know if we just know how big the world is and has vast it is and how small and insignificant we feel or what, but many of us struggle with feeling lonely, even when surrounded by people. It’s scary to reach out, but find some people, people who will be there for you, blood or not. We’re not meant to be alone.

I believe most of us reading this are good-willed humans who want the best for others. Reach out if you don’t have a village.

Fourth, there is no such thing as balance, and guilt doesn’t help. Take things day by day, moment by moment if you have to. Nobody has it figured out. Everything is constantly changing and adjusting.

Life in production agriculture, I will always argue, is more stressful than the other 98 percent not involved in this industry. But it’s also far more beautiful. One big lesson that our miracle baby has taught us is that two things can be true at the same time. I can absolutely love this baby with every fiber of my being while also being mournful of the days when I could go and help on the farm without a second thought for diaper bags, car seats, and toys. I can understand that this is just a very short season, while also feeling like some days are an eternity. Two things can be true without taking away from either.

Life is beautiful, while hard. Be kind to people.

Kelsey Pagel is a Kansas farmer. She grew up on a cow/calf and row crop operation and married into another. Kelsey and her Forever (Matt) farm and ranch with his family where they are living their dream and loving most of the moments.