Cartoons, Naps, and Perpetual Motion: Adventures in Babysitting

Babysitting a 4-year-old boy is not for the faint of heart nor for anyone who hasn’t spent at least six months training for a triathlon.

Toddlers are perpetual motion machines. In addition to constantly being on the move — a toddler never walks when he or she can either skip or run — preschoolers seem to think that they should always be humming or singing or simply making some sort of noise. Just watching a toddler is exhausting; keeping up with one should be classified as an Olympic event.

My wife and I babysat our grandson while our son and daughter-in-law were away on a business trip. The little lad had one major question that he wanted answered during the handoff from his mom and dad to my wife and me. He asked who was going to be the boss while his parents were away.

I knew how to answer this query: I told him that Grandma would be in charge. I haven’t stayed married for more than four decades without absorbing a few critical bits of wisdom. But my reply didn’t fully satisfy the little guy. Using ironclad toddler logic, he pointed out that Grandma might not know exactly how everything works at his house. What then?

My answer was both simple and elegant. In that case, I replied, I will ask him how things need to be done. I will tell this to Grandma, who will tell it to me, and I will pass the instructions along to him. He immediately grasped the sagacity of this plan and quickly expressed his approval.

I have often heard — and I share this opinion — that we should have had our grandchildren first. I’m not sure why this is. Perhaps it’s because as grandparents, we have more experience and are thus more laid-back. Or perhaps it’s because modern little kids are simply more fun than they were back in the day. After all, everything is always improving.

Or maybe it’s simply that we are more indulgent at this point in our lives. This can best be summed up by a meme I recently saw on Facebook.

Grandchild: Can I have some ice cream?
Grandparent: Did you finish your homework?
Grandchild: No.
Grandparent: Ok then.

One major thing that has changed greatly since our sons were growing up is the mind-boggling amount of entertainment that is constantly available to kids nowadays. When I was a youngster (back during the Mesozoic Era) we received a grand total of three television channels. When our two sons were growing up, the only cartoons they watched were those that were broadcast on Saturday mornings. 

Kids these days can watch an infinite number of cartoons that are available on an infinite number of media platforms. Our grandson has yet to turn 5, but he is already an expert at navigating a labyrinth of television channels using just a simple TV remote. He is also quite adept at operating an iPad. We will have to hire him as a consultant the next time we need to reprogram our cable TV receiver.

One thing that hasn’t changed since our sons were small is the scourge of Legos. Legos are a fun and constructive plastic snap-together toy that was created by people who were highly trained in child psychology. As a side benefit, Legos can also inflict epic amounts of pain on unsuspecting barefoot adults who accidentally step on a block. This usually happens in the middle of the night, when the adult in question is making a nocturnal restroom visit.

Like a lot of little guys, our grandson loves his toy stuffed animals. He has so many fuzzy and cuddly little critters that there is no space left for him in his bed. I have to admit that my wife and I have contributed more than a few stuffed toy animals to his vast collection.

There is much to be said in favor of the preschooler lifestyle. You get to spend all day hanging out with your friends, with no deadlines looming on your horizon. Indeed, no real work output is expected of you. All of your meals are provided for free, and you are chauffeured everywhere you need to go. Naps and snacks are a central part of your daily routine.

 And no one will call you out for being a fabulist. You can make up any kind of story about anything and people will accept it as true, even if it involves the adventures of your stuffed toys and a T. rex.

My wife and I were exhausted when our babysitting stint ended. This might sound odd, but I think we miss all the hubbub.

Jerry’s book “Dear County Agent Guy” can be found at www.workman.com and in bookstores nationwide.