A life in agriculture can be scary, but you have to lean into it

The first time is the scariest.

The first day of school, the first time you drive, the wedding day, the birth of baby, the first time baby is sick …

There are so many emotions associated with all of these things. It’s exciting, albeit scary, to do new things. Some of the “first” things we get to choose to do, others of them are forced upon us, often when we’re least prepared. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t choose to do them. Or fear the unexpected ones.

Several months in to our parenting journey, our baby got his first fever. Why does all the new and unexpected things happen at night when you feel all alone? As first time parents, the obvious response is to absolutely freak out. Which we did quite well, I believe. Then we called the hospital and got the professional opinion. We did what we could, and now we wait and see.

The good news at this point is that he’s still eating and having wet diapers regularly. I’m sure it’s just something his little body has to work out, but that doesn’t change the scary of it.

We go through similar emotions in farming.

There are so many things in our lives as agriculturists that are out of our control. They’re overwhelming and frustrating and often have so many dollars riding on them. Talk about tariffs and record a breaking corn crop make farmers wonder how ends will be met with the low prices and high input costs. We’ll be spending more time and money on a harvest that will probably bring in less income.

The thing about farmers and ranchers, though: They don’t quit. They don’t throw in the towel when things get hard. They adapt, they strategize, they get angry, they make things happen and they make it through. But should we keep doing that?

My husband is a farmer through and through. He tells me he’s living his dream even when everything is broken down. Even when the prices are crummy. Even when he’s working all day in hot, sticky conditions. Even when he takes out his frustration on me and we fight. Even then, in the grand scheme of things, it’s his dream. No, he doesn’t love broken things (though he does love fixing things and figuring out how things work, just not in the middle of “go time” would be better), and he doesn’t love hauling corn that is less than it costs to produce. But these things make the good days, better.

I’ve seen enough farmers’ posts to know there are a lot of unhappy producers out there. Wives feel neglected. Husbands feel over worked, under appreciated. Both are stressed to the hilt. Both wonder how to keep afloat, until the “good times” come back. We have a general public that has very little basic knowledge of what we do to make their food.

Why do we keep going? Because it’s the lifestyle.

God didn’t promise easy; he promised to be with us through it all though. With production costs and grain prices how they are, it’s scary to look at other options. It’s nerve-wracking considering not growing corn when corn has been grown on the operation since the farm was established. It’s anxiety-producing to think about having to get a job to supplement the farm, which means even more time away from family. It’s hard to consider marriage therapy for a marriage that has been pushed to the max with no return, when income is already so tight.

But maybe these “firsts” are really the best firsts. Maybe the pivot away from corn is going to lead you to a new crop that’s even better. Maybe getting the job, leads you to your real purpose in life. Even if it is away from the farm. Away from the pressure you felt to continue the multi-generational farm. Maybe finding a marriage counselor allows you to connect with your spouse again and remember being teammates instead of boxing opponents.

And maybe it doesn’t. Maybe this is just a season to weather. Maybe it’s just like our son’s first fever. You just have to get through. It’s hard and scary, but you do the absolute best you can and you get through. Then the next time, it’s better. Scary, but a little less so. You have more tools in your toolbox. You can get through it a little better.

There’s that song by George Birge, “… life may be a lot of things, but it won’t be long.” Time is a thief. Lean in to the firsts, good or bad. Lean in to your faith. Lean in to the people doing life with you. Daylight always comes, always. It’s darkest right before dawn. Keep pushing, keep moving, keep loving. Don’t give up. Embrace those firsts.

Kelsey Pagel is a Kansas farmer. She grew up on a cow/calf and row crop operation and married into another. Kelsey and her Forever (Matt) farm and ranch with his family where they are living their dream and loving most of the moments.