Parents who Refuse Estate Planning Put Heirs at Risk of Losing the Farm

Scenario [email from L.S.]:

I am the farming son. We have a nice farm, and I appreciate my parents, but our farm lacks leadership, especially from my parents. They never have expressed any farming goals for themselves, but they tell me they want to help me keep farming in the future. They don’t want to make anyone in the family mad, so they don’t like to make decisions.

Because of their lack of leadership, I feel like I’m in a bad spot for continuing the farm in the future. Can you help me?

Solution:

You are in a tough spot, L.S., because I think everyone has been in a situation where they could appreciate good leadership — or be frustrated by bad leadership.

Your question reminds me of a speech I heard from Kirby Smart, the coach of the national champion Georgia Bulldogs college football team. Smart said, “Anyone can tell you the benefits of great leaders; however, no one talks about the ‘cost of leadership.’” There were three costs Smart identified which great leaders must accept:

1. You will have to make hard decisions that negatively affect the people you care about.

2. You will be disliked despite your best attempt to do the best for the most.

3. You will be misunderstood, and you won’t always have the opportunity to defend yourself.

When you think about those three costs, it sounds like your parents are not willing to accept them at this time. Have they considered the cost of not leading?

Point 1:

Parents who own a farm have to make hard decisions about whether they want to keep the farm in the family. That may be tough, knowing some of their children may not inherit the same value of assets as other children. If the goal is to keep you farming, then that may negatively affect what non-farming heirs receive. 

Point 2:

Imagine trying to figure out what is best for everyone from every angle, even losing sleep thinking of solutions and how people may react. Great leaders remain focused on the goals, knowing that in spite of their best intentions, someone may dislike them. That does not sound like fun, but it is necessary. 

Point 3:

Recognize that by making a hard decision, some children may separate from the family or maybe not even show up for a funeral. Even if Mom and Dad are living, that heir may never try to understand the reason for the distribution plan. Parents may never be able to defend their decisions. Great leaders know these may happen and still move forward.

To be clear, it is not required that we stand in front of our families and owe anyone an explanation and defend every decision. However, for all the reasons Kirby Smart identified, unfortunately your parents are backing down from that cost of leadership.  

When parents fail to accept that cost, your farm and others like it can fall victim to the transition that is so critical for future generations.

Many teams have lost games because coaches or athletes did not accept the cost of leadership. The same is true for farms, except it is not just a game — the farm may be lost. 

The only way your problem can be solved is if your parents recognize that not leading costs more than leading. 

I am convinced that in the future, farms with parents willing to accept the cost of leadership will be buying out farms whose owners were unwilling to. •